sololoquy | open post

[ She spots that look out of the corner of her eye and frowns. He'd been the one to suggest they don't bring stormtroopers, and she'd already relented to allowing him his hands free. As far as Kira was concerned, he had no room for complaint.

That had never stopped Ben Solo, though. She just keeps forgetting to hold him to his own set of standards. ]

The motivator warning light's flashing. [ She points. ] You're going to get us blown up.

Calm down, everything is fine, we just have to--clear the atmosphere.

[He triggers the autopilot so he can stand and twist, prying a panel open to mess with some wires while they ascend. He probably should have done some repairs before letting Kira on -- now she was going to bark at every little light that blinked, even if it was a false flag.

As it turns out, he has obviously done this before. The cockpit is just a touch to small for him, but the way he contorts his spine indicates that this is not the first time the motivator has shouted at him.]

[ Oh.

That's cool.

She's watching him bend now.

Color rises in Kira's cheeks as she catches her eyes lingering on the band of pale skin that is exposed by his shirt riding up at the way he bows over the pilot chair, and she looks away from him quickly on that note. He doesn't need her in this chair, but she doesn't want to feel like she has failed or lost in some way by stepping out of the cockpit. ]

Tell me where we're going.

Where's the fun in that? You'll see when we get there. Won't be a long flight -- bit of a walk though.

[He has to force an old lever upward, but it gets the motivator to stop blinking, and Ben slowly slides back into his seat.]

'scuse me.

[And then he reaches passed her with one of his long, spindly arms to prime the compressor.]

Stop that.

[ She blurts it out in a visceral hiss as he reaches past her and she presses herself back as far as she can into her chair to avoid contact with him. Touching him has always been on her terms, and it has not been while she's grappling with the weirdness of begrudging his earlier attempts to disorient her.

Right about now she's realizing 'attempts' isn't really accurate when they were obviously successful. She's disoriented. She's sitting in his karking ship, gripping the arm rests like she's going to die. ]

[He pauses short of the compressor to look at her and lean back, bewildered. He probably should have expected that reaction, but he didn't. This time, he wasn't even trying.]

Stop...what? Do you have an aversion to hyperspace lanes or something?

Stop treating this like it's fun. [ She snarls it, latching onto that rather than her genuine fear and discomfort. Good to latch onto the anger instead. It kept the Dark Side close. ] We aren't here for fun. You are helping me fulfill a mission. You will not hide things from me, and you will not work around me.

[ She snaps that last part out tightly. ]

If you need me to prime the compressor, you can ask. [ She reaches over to do just that now that he's not all up in her business. ]

[He blinks again, and then slowly lifts his hands in surrender.]

Alright, alright. Stars, you're grumpy. If you don't want to be here, there's a perfectly servicable cot in the back. Or a bench, if that's more your speed.

[Ben does his best not to show all of his exasperation through that exchange. But with the compressor primed, it only takes him a moment to send them into hyperspace with the push of a lever, space blurring and turning blue around them.]

I want answers, Solo.

[ She doesn't let it go, accusations of grumpiness be karked. The insolence in waving her off only rankles her further, in fact, for how opposite it is her prior experiences. Her tempers are not to be dismissed and put into naptime. They're to be obeyed. ]

Tell me where we're going.

[ It's a point of pride now. He'd batted his eyelashes, and she'd gone along with it. She was weak. And stupid. ]

The Umbara system.

[That comes out somewhat exasperated. He was under no illusions that she tristed him, but he can’t really help being put out by her demands. He turns the pilot’s chair around and moves to retreat to the ship’s hull.]

It’s a few hours in hyperspace. Happy?

[ No.

Far from it, in fact. And it wasn't just the threat of going to the Shadow World that chilled her blood. She had never been easily scared, even less by ghost stories and the like. Kira was a ghost story. But the way he leaves, the discontent that rolls off of him as he does. It leaves her feeling discontent. Worse, really, than when she'd been trying to juggle his closeness.

She can't stomach his closeness, but she can't tolerate him walking away. Where did that leave her? She stayed rooted to her seat in the cockpit despite the dismissal. Hours, he'd said. It was too long to be in anyone's company.

It's close to a half hour later that she finally gets up to join him. Works up the nerve, really. She has nothing to offer him. No small talk. But she seeks his company like a lost lothcat anyway, avoiding drawing too close to him, but wanting to linger in the same space. ]

[Ben is holed up in the sleeping quarters, spread on a cot that just barely fits him with his legs crossed, a book in one hand, and his arm behind his head. Its spine is well worn (too worn to make out a title), suggesting that he's either borrowed it from someone, or he's had it for far too long.

When Kira appears in the doorway, he glances her way with a raised eyebrow, turning the book face down on his chest and then resting his arm over it.

By now, he's keyed into the fact that she seems to be made uncomfortable by any displays of affection, even those not so entirely genuine.]

I knew you'd miss me eventually.

[He might have a death wish.]

[ She doesn't reply, too uneasy with the truth and too incapable of the lie. There is no valid reason to be seeking out company at all, least of all his, but here she is. She surveys where he stretches out on the bunk, hovering awkwardly in the doorway.

He's reading. A solitary activity. She prefers the same, but reading was never on the agenda for her. She's never been good at it, and Snoke always discouraged it. Why read when she could just hear it firsthand from him? His knowledge was unquestionable.

She invites herself into the space but settles on the floor by the opposite wall, knees bent in front of her. ]

Continue.

[ She delivers it like an order because she doesn't know how else to put it. She hadn't come to interrupt him. ]

[Man, teasing her is less fun when he feels like he's kicking a confused dog. She sits down and his smirk flickers and dies -- she wants him to keep reading while she's just...sitting there? No way, now its awkward.]

You don't--have to just sit there.

[He turns over to lay on his side so that he can look at her, pinning the book to the bed instead of to his chest. It is clear that her behavior has made him uncomfortable as well.]

I'm making you uncomfortable.

[ She observes it like she might notice that it's raining or that the spinebarrels are blooming or any other number of pedestrian things, none of which are evocative in the slightest. ]

I'm not in your way. Get over it.

[ Serves him right. It's petty and spiteful and she isn't sorry for it at all. ]

That's rich, coming from you.

[He makes a face, lips pursed as he makes a show of opening the book up again to read. Which begs the question as to why he has physical media instead of a holo of some sort.

But as Ben quickly learns -- he's spent more years than he cares to admit being alone on the Falcon. Reading with someone in the room is...extremely distracting.

So eventually, he sighs and gives up, shutting the book and shoving it away.]

What is with you and staring at people though, seriously? What do you do when nobody's around?

Find new ways to kill people.

[ It's a joke.

It's probably the first joke she's ever told though, to her credit, so maybe he should cut her some slack. But it's also not far off the truth, which makes it awfully hard to tell, especially when her face doesn't change. ]

[Ben goes quiet, opening his mouth, and then closing it as he tries to figure out if she's joking or not. But he quickly decides it is probably better to assume that she is, and he starts an awkward, exaggerated laugh.]

Look at you -- never would have taken you for a jokester.

[Please be joking.]

[ There's a flicker of something light behind her eyes. Surprise, maybe. Or pride. Whatever it is, it's satisfied with his laughter, even awkward and exaggerated as it is. It's not like she knows the difference. The smile doesn't hit her mouth fully, but the corners turn up just slightly as she lets her gaze skate away from him. It's too obvious that she's avoiding looking at him, really. There's nothing else remotely interesting in this room. ]

I train. [ So, no. Not entirely a joke. And truthfully, the staring at people thing probably comes from (1) the fact that she's rarely in social situations at all, (2) the fact that he's the oddest, most fascinating person she's ever met. She stares at him far more often than anyone else. In fact, she prefers to avoid looking at most people. ] I didn't come here to talk. I prefer you when you aren't speaking.

Yeah well --

[She didn't really need to say as much. In fact, his feelings might be a little hurt -- or they would have been, if Kira hadn't taken him hostage once before. Still, wanting him to only be silent is a little too real.]

-- I don't exactly keep a lot of company 'round here, so.

[Excuse him for calling her out on the staring. His sleeping quarters are evidence enough that he doesn't entertain often. Or ever. There are a few empty ration packets scattered around, clothes shoved in every corner imaginable, a few blaster parts scattered on his nightstand.

He forces himself to turn away from her, in hopes that he'll stop thinking about her staring at him.]

Don't stare. It's rude. And you'll give people the wrong idea.

What idea is that?

[ She sounds genuinely curious. Moreso, now that he points out that he doesn't keep a lot of company. She chooses to overlook the 'around here' part of his admission. For all her talk of wanting him to be silent, for once, she seems conversational. It's almost normal, if not for the fact that she has the social skills of a genetically modified chimera built in a terrible genetic experiment by a pair of psychopaths perpetuating their childhood abuses. But other than that. ]

[He is so not equipped for this conversation.]

The idea that you want someone else's attention on you.

[That's a little less blatant than the actual answer he probably should have given. But its not his job to teach Snoke's killing machine the ins and outs of social grace. He isn't particularly good at it himself.

And now this is somehow more awkward.]

Which you obviously don't actually want.

[ She weighs that opinion for a minute but ultimately doesn't confirm or deny. Whether or not she wants his attention on her is seemingly irrelevant to the situation, after all. If he has something he wants to be doing, he'd do it regardless of what she wants. Kira does not imagine her wants rank anywhere of significance — for him, or anywhere else, so long as there is no violence behind the communication of those wants. ]

Read it out loud.

[ That seems to solve all of it. ]

And I'll stop staring.

[ Then she doesn't have to go through the difficulty of conversing with him, he will be spared her staring, and she will still sate this gnawing feeling in her chest that demands his company. A win all around. Go go gadget problem solving skills. ]

You said you--

[No, you know what? He isn't going to complain about Kira no longer telling him to shut up. Or, he wouldn't, if not for her suggestion. If possible, he looks even more uncomfortable -- and he has to clear his throat before he can reply.]

Actually, I think I prefer the staring.

[ An unexpected response. Kira's eyes flash wide, briefly, and she staggers on that response. It's more abrupt than she had thought it would be, despite a reasonable compromise. She's clearly stepped in something, but she can't imagine what.

Maybe it's private.

Maybe it's personal.

She probes at his feelings, but it's just discomfort. Congrats. Now he gets more intense staring. He unlocked that secret reward. ]

Why?

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