sololoquy | open post

Alright, fine. Fine. Fine.

[If she's going to be that way, then he's going to make it his business that she regrets it. So, Ben sits himself up and reaches under his pillow to grab the book, folding the corner of one page so he doesn't lose his spot later.

Then he goes back to the beginning and. Struggles for a moment to get started. But then he goes on.

As it turns out, Ben has inherited his mother's dramatic flair. He starts off in a rather droll narrator voice, but when it comes to voices, he assigns a different one to each character. It is a slow start, spending much of the time building up the lead male character to be charismatic and do-no-wrong.

If she doesn't stop him before the leading female (and love interest) is introduced and summarily put in harm's way for the male's heroic rescue, he will pause shortly after.]

--this is. Kind of long. Are you sure you want me to read the whole thing?

[ To her credit, Kira follows through on her promise. She does stop staring at him, instead picking some of the blaster parts off his nightstand and diverting her attention to fidgeting with them, piecing components together and inspecting them while he reads. It keeps her hands occupied with something mindless while she focuses on the story.

He has a calming voice when he's not being obnoxious, rumbling and consistently dipping in and out of different characters, and it's a good story. She hadn't expected fiction, somehow, but this is an adventure story. The hero is charming and brave and he swoops in to rescue that woman. It's all very silly, frankly. The world Kira knows does not work this way. There are no heroes who swoop in and save anyone. There is only the cold reality that if you want to survive, you cultivate power, and those who have power seek to use it.

The absurdity of it, so removed from reality, does not stop her from looking up with wide, frantic eyes when he interrupts himself. The panic doesn't strike the rest of her face, but by the look in her eyes, you'd think he had threatened to depressurize the cabin. ]

Don't stop.

[ It comes out tight like an order. Her hand grips the blaster component a little tighter. But of course he's bored. He's read it all before. By the look of it, she suspects multiple times, but she tries to barter anyway— ]

Skip ahead to where you were.

[ Then he can go back to reading, and she can just be a voyeur to it. ]

Edited (what if i remembered to call her kira more often than 30% of the time) 2018-10-01 15:11 (UTC)

[He notices it, and fights the smile it threatens to bring -- really, it'd be a sad sort of smile anyway. She's hooked on his every word, but that makes sense of course. If she was raised by Snoke, he can't imagine she's ever been read to. Had she ever read fiction to start with? Aside from all the First Order propaganda, that is.

He considers her demand for a moment, dropping his gaze while all his sympathetic thoughts climb over each other. When he had agreed to take her on board, he hadn't expected this sort of behavior. He expected the hovering, the ordering about, and had been prepared for that with his own rebuttals. He has no rebuttal for this, only the reminder that she is a fascist killing machine...in theory.

But what kind of fascist killing machine wanted teen romance novels read to them?

Ben decides before long that he can't think about it too deeply. He only has room to care about one organization, and that organization certainly wasn't going to be the First Order.]

Okay.

[He flips the book back to its dog-earred page and picks back up from where he'd left off, trying to remember the voice acting he'd already committed to. They are deep in the plot now, with the hero going through some self-discovery plot and discovering the Force within him, and how it connects him to the rest of the galaxy.

The focus switches from introduction to the hero being chased down, and then to being threatened. The love interest taken hostage, being forced to choose between autonomy and her life. Somewhere from before he'd read to Kira, a Wookiee companion had been introduced, and his life is to be traded for the love interest. He doesn't translate the Shyriiwook -- there's too much drama to bother.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watches Kira mess with the blaster parts.]

[ The components don't actually fit together. Kira realizes this rather quickly, noting before he gets through another chapter that there's not actually a complete blaster here. She gives up around then, setting them back on the nightstand where she'd found them, arranging them so that he can easily tell everything's there.

Afterwards she just tips her head back against the wall, shutting her eyes lest he think she's staring. She's so impassive as to look like she may have fallen asleep, but every once in a while she furrows her brow as though trying to parse some part of the story made difficult by hearing it rather than reading it, or some piece that she has to pick up on quickly now that she has skipped a considerable chunk and things need to be slotted into place.

It's an oddly peaceful moment. She loses herself in it, forgets the distracting ambient thoughts of maybe she ought to stare at him because she does want to give him the idea that she wants something from him.

Choosing to stop him feels impossible, but she knows eventually, that's what it needs to come down to. They will arrive. There is a task at hand still. And it simmers low in the back of her mind until she cannot physically ignore it anymore. She opens her eyes as he finishes a chapter. ]

Why is the Resistance in the Umbara System?

[Ben pauses mid-breath -- he'd been doing exactly what he'd asked her not to do, after all: staring. He's somewhat surprised by the way she chooses to interrupt, though ... not really. It was bound to come up eventually.]

You should probably ask someone who's actually in the Resistance for a proper answer.

[He points that out first, making a new dog-ear and shutting the book with a light snap. He shouldn't be so annoyed -- the peace was never going to last. But he can't help it.]

Makes sense to me. Where would you go if you were trying to hide from someone, aside from all of the obvious?

[ His breath hitches, and Rey's head tilts, puzzling over that reaction. Not surprise, not exactly, not arrested by the suddenness of her question. But he did not hesitate in dog-earing the book, did not need to look up at her. Her stomach flops with that awareness.

Fortunately the subject matter is too dire as to permit examination of that fact. ]

I'd never delude myself to believe I could hide from him.

[ Cynicism pollutes the declaration, making it sound faintly haughty and superior, but beneath that lies a bedrock of bitter resentment. Not of Snoke, necessarily. No, it's too complicated for that. Snoke has been the closest thing she has to a parent; she owes him too much, since he had taken her in by choice after her parents had not been able to rid themselves of her fast enough. He'd given her life worth and meaning. Even if he was a monster. But resentment that he has shackled her to him like this, resentment that now that he is not so giving, she cannot escape.

There is nowhere in the galaxy far enough to flee someone who has infected your mind. ]

They were fools to think they could.

[Ben watches her in silence for a moment before exhaling in defeat out of his nose, standing and moving for the door of his quarters after shoving the book back under his pillow.]

Yeah well. They would have, if not for me.

[There's some obvious guilt the way he says it, but he is careful not to look at her when he does. He doesn't want to think about his betrayal, and he certainly doesn't want to admit that she's managed to get to him in any sense of the word.

Distance seems like a better idea. There's nothing valuable in his quarters anyway. Just little sentimental pieces of a life he doesn't live anymore.]

[ He withdraws. Instinctively Kira rolls up to her feet, but he's already in the doorway by then, and she stills. It would be silly to chase him. There is nothing she has to say to him. He's right. He is the one who has turned them over, even if Snoke would have found them eventually. That's not a bad thing, as far as she's concerned. It's the smart thing to do. It's what a survivor would do.

It shouldn't be eating him alive. He's ruthless. Selfish. Those things are dependable. If he's letting guilt get the better of him, he's a liability to her and her mission. Her hands ball into fists at her sides and she huffs out a snarling sound, glancing away from the door.

She takes up residency on the cot and takes the book from under his pillow, stealing glances at the first few pages. Most of them are not words she knows by sight, and she can't really sound them out. It's a futile endeavor without him. ]

[It is some time before Ben comes back, but when he does, he is carrying ration packets. He spots her nose in his book and worries at his lip for just a moment while his mind struggles to reconcile what he is looking at.

She's so curious.]

...you can keep it, if you want. I've already finished it twice over.

[May as well keep her entertained. He holds out the packet to her wordlessly, looking tired.]

No.

[ She folds the book shut with too much haste and tucks it back away under his pillow. Swallowing thickly doesn't gather her composure properly, doesn't stow the consternation that furrows her brow in response to her inability to muddle through the pages as well as she would like to. It feels like failure, and failure has always led to pain.

What she does not tell him is that she has no use for it. What she does not tell him is that she can't read it anyway, so keeping it would be no good because she can't finish it twice over. Instead she looks accusingly at the rations packet as though he were here to bring her poison. She snatches it out of his hand anyway, but doesn't open it yet. She'll wait to see him open his and eat it, thanks.

It hits her then, a moment later, that he has offered her something. Two somethings, actually. ]

You're my prisoner. [ Which sounds like a moody accusation: start acting like it. No one gives her things without strings, and more to the point, prisoners don't give things up willingly. And prisoners don't blame themselves for giving information that was threatened out of them. ]

[Ben can only shrug in response as he opens his own packet and begins picking at its contents while watching her struggle to save face.]

Uh. Is that supposed to be a threat? New information?

[He can hear the accusation in her voice, and instead of letting it bug him, he moves to sit at the edge of his cot -- away from her, but still sharing space.]

If you're planning on locking me up and throwing away the key later, I'll enjoy my last few hours of imaginary freedom, thanks.

By sharing your food and offering me your book.

[ She does a good job of making gifts sound like accusations. Swiveling her head to watch him, she keeps her eyes fixed. If the lesson earlier about staring sunk in, it means she certainly expects something more out of him.

Fortunately, she has the social acumen of a gecko, so here it comes: ] What do you want? Do you think that if you're kind to me, I'll let them go?

[This girl is a piece of work.]

You know, this might be a revelation for you, but sometimes, people are just nice. The proper response is "thank you", to which I say --

[He reaches for her ration packet and passes her his own opened one, which he has already eaten a piece from to prove he is not trying to poison her. Afterwards, he crosses his legs and leans back.]

You're welcome.

[ When he swaps out the ration packets, she stiffens further. It's not only tacit and familiar in a way that she has not earned with anyone (nor has he earned with her, honestly), but it's seamless. He has observed her quirks and accounted for them and solved the issue, even if it does mean giving her food that he has already stuffed his dirty fingers into. (It's not the worst thing that's ever happened.)

The trouble is that she still doesn't believe him. If anything it only makes her more suspicious. Something truly awful must wait for them in the Umbara System. An ugly trap. His 'few hours of imaginary freedom' are likely her own. He has set a trap for her, and now he's trying to keep her docile long enough to see it through to the end.

Panic claws up her throat, and she closes her fist around the packet, crumpling it somewhat.

It's too late, of course. There's nothing to be done. She had put herself on this ship with him because she had chosen, foolishly, to regard him as stupid and her own skills as greater. But she can imagine no alternate reason. ]

The truth.

That is the truth. Tell me I'm lying. You Force-y people can do that, right?

[He opens the second ration pack and starts eating out of it. As it turns out, it is also not poisoned.

There was, of course, also the fact that he spent most of his time alone, and that Kira was the first real company he's bothered to entertain in years. And, perhaps, the fact that he doesn't lose anything by keeping her comfortable.

But he stands to gain quite a lot.]

[ No. No, he's not lying. That's the most puzzling part. Her rationale mind can recognize it, but she feels foggy and clouded as a result of her own paranoia, doubting what the Force is telling her. It makes her want to reach deep into his mind, as she had before, and pull out what she wanted, pry him open and see for herself what was in there, what motivated him, what he felt and feared and — ]

Yes. [ She says tightly. ] We can do that.

[ His honesty is a complication she does not need. Every piece of Ben Solo is a complication she does not need. But assured of his honesty, for now, she opens her palm and looks down at the rations packet. She opens the top cautiously and starts picking out crumbled pieces of packed protein. ]

I'll take it. [ She says stubbornly. ] Your book. I'll take it.

[He tries not to look too smug as he leans forward, reaching behind her to grab the book under the pillow in order to hand it to her.]

There's a series. The rest is on holo.

[Ben does not linger in her space for too long. After all, he was not quite so quick to forget that she had locked him in her quarters and tortured him for a brief period of time.]

If you decide you like it.

[ It is interminably cruel that he should offer it. Unknowingly, she thinks, for there's no reason he should know that she has such a simple deficiency. But it is something she can't have. Kira is greedy, though, and gathers the book into her arms without hesitation, locking it against her chest and barring it there with her arm as though he might demand it back without notice.

She stuffs more crumbs of the rations packet into her mouth. ]

Why isn't this one on holo? [ Paper is unwieldy, she thinks. Sentimental and stuffy. Ben likes old things — this book, the Falcon. She knows few things about him for sure, but she knows that now, and she thinks that's probably worth as much as the book itself. ]

It might be. I never looked. I picked this up from a curiousities dealer on Toydaria.

[And then, shortly after, pissed off a cartel and had to flee into the atmosphere as fast as the Falcon would carry him. But he isn't gonna tell that tale -- it's embarrassing.]

First time I'd ever seen something paperback.

[He'd been told that much of Alderaan's history was paperback but -- well.]

[ First time he'd ever seen it, and he is giving it to her. Kira clutches the book tighter to her, as though she's positive now that he will rip it away. Some part of her screams to throw it down and not allow him to use it to get his hooks in her. But she can't bring herself to.

She has never owned anything. Not even herself. She cannot turn away the gift, even seeing the strings tied to it. The trap it sets. Her tongue is weighed down by that fear, though, stopping her from extending a promise that she wants to make: that if he returns with her to the First Order, he could have a hundred paperbacks with the credits they'd pay him for his information.

It's an uncanny sight, the way she curls around it, looking small even in the dark robes of a First Order enforcer, dark but compact and terribly young and wide-eyed for the horrors she inflicts. ]

Why were you on Toydaria?

[ There's a story there. And she's developing a taste for them. ]

[He should have left that part out. Ben makes a slightly exasperated noise, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.]

Aaah...I had a shipment to pick up. Toydaria has a lot of history, some of the wealthy class finds it easy to pick up things there that they can't find anywhere else.

[There is a pause as he rubs at his neck.]

Only...they wanted me to lowball 'em. I don't know how much you know about toydarians, but lets just say that they were not too happy with me. They're not too fond of humans to start with, so...

[Ben clears his throat and gestures vaguely.]

I couldn't argue them down, so I stole a bunch of puffer pigs and had to break atmo while they were running loose in the hull. Haven't been back.

A thief, too.

[ She doesn't sound impressed. Coolly critical, actually. It shouldn't be; stealing from Toydarians is hardly the First Order's concern. Most of the territories within Hutt Space still resisted falling in line. and as such, fell outside of their protections. But her concern is not with the supposed victims, but with the flouting of law.

But then, wasn't she doing that? Disappearing with Ben Solo in the first place? She had been warned not to waste her time on him, not to allow this to distract her from her purpose. ]

No wonder your ship smells like it does.

[ She stuffs the rest of her rations into her mouth and sets the empty package aside on his night table. Then she's on her feet. ]

How much longer until we reach — [ She doesn't finish her sentence. In fact, she drops the book she had been clutching and sinks to one knee, letting out a terrible snarl of pain that cannot be called a scream or a cry. Either would be too delicate. A voice screams in her head, demanding to know where she is. Snoke has discovered she did not return with the stormtroopers.

The connection he holds to her is not so precise as to garner the specifics of her location, hopefully not of Ben Solo. She cannot make proper reply this way. But his discontent sears across her consciousness so that her vision tunnels, swims. ]

[Ben jumps like he's seen a ghost when Kira snarls, catching himself on the doorframe and staring with wide eyes. He cannot even begin to guess what is going on but -- some deep pit forms in his stomach that coaxes his heart to hammer in fear. Instinct tells him to back away -- slowly, so as to not draw her attention (or the attention of whatever was spying upon her).

But the empathetic part of him doesn't want to leave. The empathetic part of him wants to check and make sure she is ok. What he ends up with is ... still being frozen in the door for longer then he has any right to be.

Eventually, he leans a bit closer, his conflict visible in his expression. What does he do?]

[ She plants her hand on the floor, letting the cool bring her down as she pants through the lingering aftershocks of the pain. Snoke does not hurry out of her mind, does not withdraw his presence easy. There is no purpose to it. His message is no clearer for it — disappointment, rage, and an implicit demand for explanation. But the pain can be instructive. He would say it was there to teach her a lesson.

And he would call her ungrateful for writing off his orders to be here, after all he had done for her.

Picking up her head, her breath still comes out foggy and rasping. She spots Ben in the doorway, frightened, panicked, but not fleeing. She doesn't know what to do with that. The pain is over, but her vision is spotty still. She is dazed. Light-headed. ]

He's coming. [ She sounds half-asleep saying it, her body weakened by the lancing psychic pain. ] I told you: there's no hiding. [ Slowly, she pushes herself to her feet. It looks like she probably shouldn't be there, judging by the swaying. ] I hope you were telling the truth.

[There is a full thirty seconds when he goes pale. “He’s coming”

Kira will only have a moment to pick up his intent before he dashes from his room toward the cockpit. No way in hell was he completing this deal if Snoke was just goig to apprehend and torture him anyway. If everyone was to end up dead, then—

He leaps into the cockpit and pulls the Falcon from hyperspace prematurely, leaving them to grind to a halt in open space. Think. Think. There had to be a way to outpace the Supremacy, even if it meant hiding on a Core World. Think. THINK.]

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