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[sololoquy]

username: REN

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force bond;

[forcevisions]

[ rey goes back to the inn only to collect her things. not that she has figured out where else to go, but it needs no discussion that she won't be welcome there anymore. her face is red and puffy from crying, and there are tears still coming. there seems no end to that particular well.

she has lost poe.

she sinks down onto the bed he shares with finn and curls her legs up to her chest. she hadn't allowed herself to dissolve into the feeling before. had backed off of it, trying to keep it together, but now … alone …

tears come again. it's not just grief, though. it's also fear. poe will be the one who gets to tell this story to finn, and that might take finn with him. especially after what she'd said to him on the magitek. even keith thought she was being unreasonable, though he lacked context. death didn't need to come for any of her loved ones; she could cut herself off from them quite well without its help.

there's another kind of fear too. that maybe poe is right. that she doesn't know what she's slipping into. nothing seems clear anymore.

it's at that time, sitting on the bed, that she feels the bond open up. it settles over her like oil, this awareness of someone else's breathing. she recognizes it now, the way it prickles the back of her neck.

she should be angry. and she is — she's furious. he'd had a role in this. he'd attacked poe. but like all things now, it is more complicated than that. she also feels the warm relief from the simple comfort of company. you're not alone.

she lifts her head to search ben out. ]

[sololoquy]

[He'd refrained from going out today. There was enough chatter on the magitek to keep him busy, and he wasn't feeling particularly confident about navigating the culture, especially after the ambush. He'd also seen Dameron's post to the network, which was about as transparent as chromium in regards to what it was referring to.

There was no remorse to be felt on his behalf. If he'd simply cooperated, instead of trying to goad him, then the whole matter would have been avoided entirely.

In contrast to what Rey feels when the bond reaches for him, he squints at the glow of his magitek and attempts to ignore the press of grief, anger, and tears behind his eyes. Still, it isn't long before he's forced to glance at her across from where he's sat himself.

Why was it that he only seemed to see her when she was crying?]

Where will you go?

[He cannot see what she's doing, but he can infer from the pieces he gets fed back to him across the bond. It also seems pointless to bring up the conversation he'd obviously witnessed, in part. He had his own opinions on the matter, and she wouldn't agree with them.

Silence also feels -- awkward?]

[forcevisions]

I don't know.

[ she isn't thinking that far ahead. maybe that was the problem. she couldn't look that far ahead, only ever concerned with confronting what was right in front of her face. but she knew that she couldn't stay here.

there's peace in admitting it, too. she's out of her depth here. she's never had anyone to lose before. saying it out loud gives her … permission. permission to grieve, to be hurt, and to be uncertain. it's validating. ]

I can still only see you. [ her brow furrows a bit, creases lining her forehead. ] How did you know?

[ if he had mastered this in some way she hadn't, surely she'd need to know about it. and that though, of course, spirals into a number of others examining why she has to be so damn analytical about all of her relationships lately. ]

un: falcon / voice

[forcevisions]

[ she had only just arrived at doro's castle a little while before the ronin attacked, so she's sure she can't be blamed for not reaching out to him sooner after settling in. trying to put out fires took precedence over training, but the minute she can slow down and return to doro's castle to settle in, she reaches out to him— ]

I think I found a good place for us to meet. It's away from the castle, so no one should see us.

[ pulling out lightsabers on this mission is a risk which she will address not by keeping it away but by reserving them for a place that will at least keep them under control. ]

un: ren / voice

[sololoquy]

Where?

[He sounds his usual self. Detached, free of the relaxation alcohol had given him. There is an underlying curtness to his tone, but nothing too outrageous.

Honestly, as angry as he is about what he believes to now be true, a part of him is still shaken by his own realization.]

[forcevisions]

There's a bridge south of the castle. [ that's just how kylo ren always is, tbh. she's breezy and comfortable, in contrast; in fact, she's moreso than usual. it sounds like maybe she feels more at ease, following their conversation 'over sake.' ] Then, west of there, a cave in the foothills. It doesn't appear to get a lot of traffic. An old ogre den, I think.

text | un: falcon

[forcevisions]

I hope you're having better luck with Youmi than we are with Nama.

text | un: ren

[sololoquy]

How do you mean?

[He's been wrestling with a horse for most of this journey, and is now kind of regretting staying behind.]

[forcevisions]

The city's on lockdown. Rebels have control of the Heavenly Summit. I'm pretty sure Nama's still alive within, but we have to work out a way to sneak into the castle first.

text | un: falcon (1/??? during kylo's prison stint, before the force bond)

[forcevisions]

Where ARE you?

[forcevisions]

If you don't hurry up I'm going to eat without you. I'm STARVING.

[forcevisions]

🍑🤤😤

[forcevisions]

Too late. Good luck on your own. Maybe you can steal something from a child.

[forcevisions]

Ben, it's getting late.

[forcevisions]

I was kidding before, about the stealing thing.

[forcevisions]

Ben? Are you coming back?

Text (Un: Falcon) | pre-voting

[forcevisions]

Don't panic.

[sololoquy]

Why?

[Rey that’s not how you calm people with paranoia issues.]

[sololoquy]

Answer me.

[forcevisions]

@LOKIOFASGARD; TEXT

[selfimage]

This is a message I'm sending out of courtesy, Kylo Ren.

[sololoquy]

What courtesy exactly?

[aka he doesn’t believe you.]

[selfimage]

Do you want to get into it? [ because he doesn't. ]
When the truth wave begins, my suggestion is to find a truth you know to be true and latch onto it.
The more uncomfortable the better.

force bond; epilogue

[forcevisions]

[ He hadn't come back.

In fact, even when she and Poe and the others had gone storming the Vakdir Headquarters to free the prisoners, she hadn't seen or felt him. Like he wasn't even there. It would have been less surprising had he not been so possessed of his own specific reason to hate them, despite the commonalities they shared with the First Order's methods.

She's gone back to normal, in the days since. The return to the Headquarters brings bad news for Drakstaden. Civil war, death, destruction. The whole city, a shell. Rey goes skulking to Poe's room with a deck of cards, and they play (badly) at a game of Highland Challenge to distract themselves from the rebellion's ultimate failure.

They're both getting frustrated with their own ineptitude at it when she hears the tell-tale tunneling of space, a weird hyper-silence that carries echoes from across the ship.

Rey rearranges the cards in her hand, considering them. Considering staying to finish out the game. It had gone badly, the last time. They'd been on the same side the last time. But looking at her card means not looking up at Kylo, who had failed to come back to her. Her grip on the cards tightens.

Better not to pay him mind. He likely won't attend to her, anyway.

She trades out two of her cards. ]

[sololoquy]

[The hyper silence is quickly filled with the sound of breathing. Angry, slow, and labored breathing. His ribs are still mending. He doesn't want to see her.

Well, most of him doesn't want to see her. There is a war that wages in his head. She's fine without him, he knows. If she weren't, she'd be blowing up the magitek with words of concern as she had when he'd been captured by the Vakdir. That is a reality he doesn't want to acknowledge, and yet it is also ammo for his disdain that he knows he must feed if he ever wants to move on.

That's the trouble, really. Moving on. It'd been so easy to tell her to let the past die. But he'd never been very good at it -- only playing at it.

He doesn't look well. Though he doesn't look particularly stressed, his eyes are sunken, and its obvious that he hasn't slept in a real bed in days. Betrayal and anger hang over him like that heavy cloak he always wore, and he makes no effort to communicate with Rey.

But he is watching her. Like a predator, waiting for prey.]