[ when his eyes find hers again, really find hers again, the fear that he might turn and run from her just like poe had dissipates. in its place, there is a certainty of purpose. no matter how cold and distant he acts, she has seen the truth of him now in more than just a vision across the galaxy. he's as trapped by the gravity of this terrible intimacy as she is.
had she really suspected him immune? she had begun to. dreaded another case of investing more of herself than anyone else ever would in her. but no.
her breath is ragged, labored, coming in and out through parted lips as she feels him come down from that precipice with her. her hand drags down his face, savoring the contact, but steadily recognizing that the need for it has passed. he's here with her. ]
No. [ they breathe together, in sync. is that why she suddenly feels like every inhale is a gasp to fill thirsty lungs? because he had been starving himself of oxygen in an effort to resist? she leaves her fingertips lingering on his jaw for just a moment before she pulls back.
she sits back on her heels, only then realizing she had turned her whole body when she grabbed his face. instead of sitting with her back to the wall in parallel to him, she kneels facing him. the bed is soft under her weight, yet she can feel the wooden floor has scraped her knees. the marks will tell her this wasn't real, but she knows it is.
she gains momentum when she speaks again, a fervid rhythm to her speech, impassioned with all the adrenaline that makes her pulse race. ] We're getting stronger.
[ not just the bond. the two of them, together, are strengthening it. perhaps a mere philosophical distinction, but one that feels … important. to her. she feels … powerful. alive. the weakness and woe brought on by poe's departure distant for the time being. ]
[It takes some time to find a steady rhythm of breathing again. He's felt like he's run a mile, with no chance to recover. There is some solace in seeing Rey struggle right alongside him.
Would that be how this ended? Completely in sync, with no ability to tell where Kylo Ren ended and Rey began? The idea isn't wholly unappealing, now that he's seen her willingness to reach for him. She'd found him after fleeing her friends, and the surety that she'd never turn starts to fade away.
He doesn't smile, but there is an undeniable sense of delight on the other side of the bond. Strength was easy for him to understand and covet, so when she reassigns their progress to them rather than the bond itself -- well, he can't help but agree. As he feels their pulse rise together, he nods, just to give somewhere for the adrenaline to go.]
We are.
[He basks in that revelation, mind struggling to catch up with what they could do beyond what they'd already done. But he realizes almost instantly that he has to back track a little, blocking out the sound of the streets on the other side of the window to his room.]
There was no vision this time. Was there?
[He didn't see anything, and he has the idea that they experience everything together, like this. How else could he explain this unfettered delight that felt apart of him and beyond him all at the same time? This sense of...purpose?
It seems undefinable, which stokes at the stone of fear sitting in his stomach.]
[ the emotions that pour through the link between them are like nothing she's associated with kylo ren before. pride, but with more levity. delight. it echoes back at him from her end — strongly enough that she has to wonder if it hasn't really come from her in the first place and fed back through in a loop.
it's overwhelming, watching the lines between them blur like this. she could lose herself in it. that dark shadow, staved off for now, could still seep in and she might not even think to stop it. but … it's comforting, too. ]
No.
[ it's an agreement — one she can only think to attribute to the notion that they must be on that same track, still. headed to the destination they need to go to. a destiny. for her, in him. wrapped up together. he had tried to tell her that, of course. on viridian sea: you have something better than bloodlines. only now does she truly believe it. only now can she feel it.
but his question spurs a hundred others in the back of her mind. chatter that starts to crowd the ambience. will this continue? if it doesn't, what will happen to the both of them? if poe hasn't already turned finn against her, will she be able to keep it from him? to make him understand, ever?
there's so much they still don't know. ]
Maybe it only happened then because we needed to see it. [ the implication, of course, that they don't now. the space between them was still there — compromises to be made, differences to be reconciled and detangled. but it seems smaller now. they have already been brought together. it would be harder, now, to separate them than anything else.
she knows she should release his hand, take her things, and go. she should make her way from this room and put it behind her while she can still ride the strength this has brought her. but again, separating feels … impossible. she looks down at their hands. ]
[The answer to -- what? He doesn't even remember asking a question, before they had reached for one another. But somehow, they had both encountered the same vision.
Following that train of thought threatens to drown him in his own mind. Fortunately, Rey's own distraction brings him back to the present, and his eyes follow her's. He can feel her desire to pull away, and the impossible weight sitting on their wrists that holds them together.
He doesn't thirst for the contact like she does. Its easier for him to untangle that knot. So he starts to unfurl his fingers, which feels like peeling peanut butter off the roof of his mouth.]
They will be back soon.
[He shares her desire for her to get away from them, for multiple reasons.]
[ when his hand starts slipping away, she realizes how desperate she is to cling to it. her pulse quickens, briefly, but only until she glances up to search his face. this isn't a retreat; he's not flinching away, curling back in on himself as he had after the ambush. it's … for now.
however reluctantly, she opens her hand. still she finds her fingers brushing against his hand as they pull back. she wants to savor that warmth. eventually it's just her knuckles brushing the heel of his hand, and then nothing. she presses her lips into a resolved line, accepting the necessity. ]
I will.
[ the room comes back into focus around her. she can no longer sense the movement outside his window. the light filters in differently. the nauseating feeling of double passes. she is herself again, and no one else. it's like coming up for air. ]
But before I do … I think we should try this again. I don't mean now. [ there's a fever in her voice. ] Just that we should keep trying to understand this and master it. I was able to find you during the festival. I could feel you, and follow that feeling. I wonder if we can't do the same thing to provoke this.
[ it's the best lead she has. latching onto that bleed-through she was feeling and chasing it. reaching out for him. ]
I think we should try. [ this time when she reiterates it, the words stand as a haphazard sort of invitation into her life. an open-ended welcome that's sure to be rocky as they sift through it, even assuming it winds up working. ] We should be the ones in control.
[The dark swims back into his vision, and he finds his breath regulating again, a dark calm sinking into his veins. He feels cold -- an unfamiliar cold that picks at his skin under the soft material of his more casual nightwear, and he exhales in an attempt to cleanse himself of the remnants of their most recent revelation.
Back into himself. Back to familiar crawlspaces, where he doesn't have to consider a perspective other than his own. For a second, it seems like he doesn't hear her proposal, focused instead on his lap and a distant pain in his knees that he doesn't know the origin of.]
I agree.
[We should be the ones in control. That's what he agrees with. Trying this again seems ... challenging, and potentially out of reach. But he understands the implication, that she had felt his fury from across the ambush. He'd felt the same when Anakin was still among them. His presence was clearer than anything else he could see and feel, at any time of the day. Now, he has been replaced by Rey, and he finds himself almost glad for it.
At least Rey pretended to be interested in his power and potential.
To ignore all of that and pretend it didn't exist would not only waste the potential of what they could do, but would harm them when the time came to confront their shared vision. This was the best course.]
[ somehow his agreement still comes as a surprise to her. a wave of relief crashes over her almost violently. but it helps her suppress that impulse to cling to what little she felt she had. she nods in return, and for a moment, hovers there beside him. it takes her a few moments to realize that she must then budge and remove herself from the situation.
slowly, she picks herself up, and in dusting herself off, notices the lingering red marks on her knees, where the floor had scratched them. they're not bleeding freely, but they will scab. she rubs dirt away from the scratches and grabs her bag, slinging it over her shoulder. then she takes her staff in hand. ]
When I see you again … I'll let you know what I've discovered.
[ she looks him in the eye then. does she look like he does? flushed and spent by their mental efforts? if she does, he doesn't seem to notice. she drops her gaze and turns, slipping out through the door.
she can still feel him behind her, but leaving him behind does the job of letting the bond fade, and eventually, she is alone in her mind again. but … maybe just a little less alone than she had been before. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
had she really suspected him immune? she had begun to. dreaded another case of investing more of herself than anyone else ever would in her. but no.
her breath is ragged, labored, coming in and out through parted lips as she feels him come down from that precipice with her. her hand drags down his face, savoring the contact, but steadily recognizing that the need for it has passed. he's here with her. ]
No. [ they breathe together, in sync. is that why she suddenly feels like every inhale is a gasp to fill thirsty lungs? because he had been starving himself of oxygen in an effort to resist? she leaves her fingertips lingering on his jaw for just a moment before she pulls back.
she sits back on her heels, only then realizing she had turned her whole body when she grabbed his face. instead of sitting with her back to the wall in parallel to him, she kneels facing him. the bed is soft under her weight, yet she can feel the wooden floor has scraped her knees. the marks will tell her this wasn't real, but she knows it is.
she gains momentum when she speaks again, a fervid rhythm to her speech, impassioned with all the adrenaline that makes her pulse race. ] We're getting stronger.
[ not just the bond. the two of them, together, are strengthening it. perhaps a mere philosophical distinction, but one that feels … important. to her. she feels … powerful. alive. the weakness and woe brought on by poe's departure distant for the time being. ]
no subject
Would that be how this ended? Completely in sync, with no ability to tell where Kylo Ren ended and Rey began? The idea isn't wholly unappealing, now that he's seen her willingness to reach for him. She'd found him after fleeing her friends, and the surety that she'd never turn starts to fade away.
He doesn't smile, but there is an undeniable sense of delight on the other side of the bond. Strength was easy for him to understand and covet, so when she reassigns their progress to them rather than the bond itself -- well, he can't help but agree. As he feels their pulse rise together, he nods, just to give somewhere for the adrenaline to go.]
We are.
[He basks in that revelation, mind struggling to catch up with what they could do beyond what they'd already done. But he realizes almost instantly that he has to back track a little, blocking out the sound of the streets on the other side of the window to his room.]
There was no vision this time. Was there?
[He didn't see anything, and he has the idea that they experience everything together, like this. How else could he explain this unfettered delight that felt apart of him and beyond him all at the same time? This sense of...purpose?
It seems undefinable, which stokes at the stone of fear sitting in his stomach.]
no subject
it's overwhelming, watching the lines between them blur like this. she could lose herself in it. that dark shadow, staved off for now, could still seep in and she might not even think to stop it. but … it's comforting, too. ]
No.
[ it's an agreement — one she can only think to attribute to the notion that they must be on that same track, still. headed to the destination they need to go to. a destiny. for her, in him. wrapped up together. he had tried to tell her that, of course. on viridian sea: you have something better than bloodlines. only now does she truly believe it. only now can she feel it.
but his question spurs a hundred others in the back of her mind. chatter that starts to crowd the ambience. will this continue? if it doesn't, what will happen to the both of them? if poe hasn't already turned finn against her, will she be able to keep it from him? to make him understand, ever?
there's so much they still don't know. ]
Maybe it only happened then because we needed to see it. [ the implication, of course, that they don't now. the space between them was still there — compromises to be made, differences to be reconciled and detangled. but it seems smaller now. they have already been brought together. it would be harder, now, to separate them than anything else.
she knows she should release his hand, take her things, and go. she should make her way from this room and put it behind her while she can still ride the strength this has brought her. but again, separating feels … impossible. she looks down at their hands. ]
no subject
[The answer to -- what? He doesn't even remember asking a question, before they had reached for one another. But somehow, they had both encountered the same vision.
Following that train of thought threatens to drown him in his own mind. Fortunately, Rey's own distraction brings him back to the present, and his eyes follow her's. He can feel her desire to pull away, and the impossible weight sitting on their wrists that holds them together.
He doesn't thirst for the contact like she does. Its easier for him to untangle that knot. So he starts to unfurl his fingers, which feels like peeling peanut butter off the roof of his mouth.]
They will be back soon.
[He shares her desire for her to get away from them, for multiple reasons.]
You should go.
no subject
however reluctantly, she opens her hand. still she finds her fingers brushing against his hand as they pull back. she wants to savor that warmth. eventually it's just her knuckles brushing the heel of his hand, and then nothing. she presses her lips into a resolved line, accepting the necessity. ]
I will.
[ the room comes back into focus around her. she can no longer sense the movement outside his window. the light filters in differently. the nauseating feeling of double passes. she is herself again, and no one else. it's like coming up for air. ]
But before I do … I think we should try this again. I don't mean now. [ there's a fever in her voice. ] Just that we should keep trying to understand this and master it. I was able to find you during the festival. I could feel you, and follow that feeling. I wonder if we can't do the same thing to provoke this.
[ it's the best lead she has. latching onto that bleed-through she was feeling and chasing it. reaching out for him. ]
I think we should try. [ this time when she reiterates it, the words stand as a haphazard sort of invitation into her life. an open-ended welcome that's sure to be rocky as they sift through it, even assuming it winds up working. ] We should be the ones in control.
no subject
Back into himself. Back to familiar crawlspaces, where he doesn't have to consider a perspective other than his own. For a second, it seems like he doesn't hear her proposal, focused instead on his lap and a distant pain in his knees that he doesn't know the origin of.]
I agree.
[We should be the ones in control. That's what he agrees with. Trying this again seems ... challenging, and potentially out of reach. But he understands the implication, that she had felt his fury from across the ambush. He'd felt the same when Anakin was still among them. His presence was clearer than anything else he could see and feel, at any time of the day. Now, he has been replaced by Rey, and he finds himself almost glad for it.
At least Rey pretended to be interested in his power and potential.
To ignore all of that and pretend it didn't exist would not only waste the potential of what they could do, but would harm them when the time came to confront their shared vision. This was the best course.]
When you go to the Sea Clan.
no subject
slowly, she picks herself up, and in dusting herself off, notices the lingering red marks on her knees, where the floor had scratched them. they're not bleeding freely, but they will scab. she rubs dirt away from the scratches and grabs her bag, slinging it over her shoulder. then she takes her staff in hand. ]
When I see you again … I'll let you know what I've discovered.
[ she looks him in the eye then. does she look like he does? flushed and spent by their mental efforts? if she does, he doesn't seem to notice. she drops her gaze and turns, slipping out through the door.
she can still feel him behind her, but leaving him behind does the job of letting the bond fade, and eventually, she is alone in her mind again. but … maybe just a little less alone than she had been before. ]