[Before she can get far, his hand shoots out to grab her upper arm. She might have the will to leave this here, but he does not -- where she is strong, he is weak. He knows what the Force has shown them. He knows what he doesn't want.
This time, he is looking at her. His lightsaber remains abandoned in the grass.]
Before you go.
[His tone doesn't change (though he is quiet), for he seems resigned that he's not going to change her mind on this. He knows he wants to ask something, but phrasing the question is -- hard. It might be impossible. But he's going to try.]
Is this it?
[He has to know. Was everything she had given him conditional on returning him to the Light? This agenda she had -- how much of it was duty, how much of it was naivety, and how much was it genuine?
Maybe if she walks away for good, it will get easier. The conflict will lessen, and he will be able to do the same.]
[ Heat shoots through her from where he grabs her arm and Rey whips around to look at him. She regrets it immediately. Gravity, yeah, that was a good way of saying it. Her eyes land on him and she wants to pivot towards him and β and what? Her eyes search his face. All she feels is the pull as her breath catches in her chest.
For that reason alone, her answer comes out quickly. ]
No. [ Her lips twitch into what's almost a smile, but it's reluctant. Regretful, really, like maybe she knows it would be easier if it were. Or maybe like she just knows that she hopes it's not. To qualify her certainty, she provides, ] My feelings haven't changed.
[ She wants to be close to him. There is good in him. And perhaps clearer now is the picture that she cannot force him to turn. These all hold true. But she's given everything she has β and, true, that's not much. She's not much. So perhaps he'll look at it and decide it's not enough. But she still hopes not. ]
But I won't stay where I'm not wanted.
[ Another sad smile strikes her then. She thinks of her parents. They were the ones to teach her that lesson, and in that way, it was because of Ben that she could do this in the first place instead of staying and pointlessly pouring herself into something fruitless and pathetic. ]
Now that he has that answer, he is once again unsure what to do. He supposes he should let her go, and allow her to be on her way. But there is still the feeling that he's -- missed something, in trying to communicate his actual problem with what they've been doing.]
You are right. I called you here. Before he confronted me.
[Confronted, because Finn had come with the intention to fight with him, whether or not he wants to admit it. He came to make demands, not to listen or to compromise.
Its a clarification, as much as it is rationalization, mostly for himself. He is certain that he wants her there. He just -- doesn't want everything else that seems to be coming with it.
He swallows. That fear is creeping up in his throat again. It hardens with his voice.]
I don't want to be a tool for anyone's agenda. I won't.
[ The subtle shift in his voice, the rise of blame and aggression, has her bristling. She tenses in his grip, keenly aware of it and of the fact that it keeps her subject to him deciding how long he wants this to go on for. That's always been the way; that's the problem she'd been trying to address in leaving.
But what he says sounds a lot like what Keith had said. Out of Ben's mouth, it sounds an awful lot more like an accusation than a search for understanding, or an encouragement to stop enslaving herself to the good of others, but it's a variation on the same theme.
It's a question that has hung over her head for the past two months too. Is this really for the Resistance? Ben is their only hope. If she comes back without Luke, without Ben, then they're doomed. It would be a lie to say her hope for him isn't wrapped up in hope for them.
But she sticks on the word tool.
And then he releases her, and she's able to tuck her lightsaber away as she had intended, further reiterating that she has no intention of turning this into a confrontation. No matter what Finn and Poe are like.
It's β¦ confusing. But saying it to Keith makes it easier to say now, as does her distance from Ahch-to and the perspective her time with ALASTAIR has offered, the perspective of such a long stretch spent spiraling without anyone to help her or understand.
Putting aside her hopes that he might choose to stand with her, that he might be something bigger, and the way she uses those hopes to justify and rationalize an otherwise selfish decision as somehow bigger than that β after all, because it is also right and good does not mean that is her reason for doing it, and compounded on that is the clarity that 'right and good' Finn and Poe have various Issues with this particular approach β this is β¦ ]
No.
[ She doesn't want him to be a tool for anyone. Not for her. Not for Snoke. Not for the Resistance. She didn't come here for them; she came because she couldn't stand to let go of Keith and Urahara. She came because she wanted information about her parents that the island left her without. Maybe that makes Finn and Poe better than her, somehow, but she didn't come to him for that either. ]
[He searches her answer for a trace of a lie -- and finds that he can't locate one. She'll be able to feel the press of him, slightly fevered.
She hasn't left. So he supposes that she's waiting for further explanation. When he is sure that she isn't leaving, he provides it.]
When Finn came to me...he attempted the same process as Commander Dameron. He reached for a truce. Conditional. Insisting that I cease my interactions with you and with Dameron, and instead speak only to him.
[Nonsense, of course. As fragile as Kylo Ren's ego is, that had not been what had triggered this response to Rey. He is not afraid to be feared -- in fact, he prefers it.]
And when I refused his terms, he told me that you thought that I "could do good". And that was why he came to make those demands of me.
[He nods, like he thinks that should be enough of an explanation, given the context he had just offered her. It isn't necessarily the idea that he could do good. He always believed that to be possible, because 'good' was subjective. It was that he had framed it as if she was attempting to manipulate him, and it successfully shattered his trust.
After its out, he glances sideways to call his lightsaber back into his hand lazily, turning it over in a fidget. Now, it is Kylo Ren's turn to feel like a fool. He'd been so ready to accept that Rey was betraying him that he did not stop to consider that Finn didn't really know anything.
But then again, could he be blamed after how many others had let him down? He certainly didn't think so.]
[ She searches for meaning in his explanation, perplexed for a moment because literally none of it gives her what she wanted. What she had wanted earlier, yes, he has explained himself sufficiently and if she picks through it for herself, using her own emotional awareness, she can figure out what in there perhaps ruffled Ben in the context of this conversation.
It's like putting a thousand-piece puzzle together though, so she spends the majority of this time looking perplexed about how this addresses a) whether she is trying to use him like a tool, b) what he wants out of these interactions with her. Neither of those things are addressed, of course, so it takes her a minute to connect it back to, ah, yes, this is what he's so upset about.
And when she figures it out, it stands at such incredible odds with the weight of his response β to almost murder her in the woods β that she can't stop herself from saying; ]
You were ready to attack me because Finn told you that you could do good?
[ Just putting that out there. Flatly. Incredulously.
No. You know what. No. That makes perfect sense. And she starts to pick up on the fact that Ben is shifting his lightsaber around, realizing it's perhaps an overreaction, but for crying out loud. ]
I told him that what you'd done with those women who attacked the festival had potentially averted war. [ She's emphasizing you here to point out that she had not even told Finn that SHE HAD BEEN INVOLVED IN IT. ] And it has. [ She pulls her staff up onto her shoulder decisively, as if more committed to doubling down on the 'figure out what you waaaaaant' exit. ] You really don't trust me at all.
[He lets her get all of that out before offering his reply.]
I did not come here to harm you. I came to train, as I asked.
[He could point out that he did not attack her. He could point out the fact that she'd just given him this huge speech about trusting him, instead of her fear. But in truth, he doesn't feel the need to defend himself on this -- he was wrong.]
Because I believed you might be more interested in a recruitment pitch, than what sort of good I might do. He neglected to explain.
[Because they were both fucking drunk. He doesn't bother to mention that either. It will just sound like an excuse.
So he gets to the crux of it.]
No. I didn't. But I am trying to.
[In the same way that she is trying to trust him. She's just better at it.
He chooses past tense, because he believes that she could have made an attempt to defend herself at any point in time, even when he was armed with two lightsabers, and she did not. If that did not speak of trust, facing down a man a head taller than her with two lightsabers, then what did?
Either way, he feels his duty done. Explanation given, ends tied off, and Rey clearly itching to leave, he turns himself to...walk in the same direction, because that's where the castle is.
And he can't help but feel like the itch he'd come here to scratch had somehow only gotten itchier.]
[ That he is trying to is news to her. Perhaps even news to him. And given the line she'd been ready to draw here β that she was tired of giving herself over and over and seeing only mixed messages and suspicion in return, that he needed to be clear about what he wanted β it's enough to change something in her disposition.
He's making An Attempt. Even in light of the technicality that he had not come here to attack her β albeit he'd been quite ready to all the same when he'd grabbed her lightsaber β she's willing to give him personal growth points there.
Which is lucky, given that they're walking back the same direction. ]
We can come back another day.
[ She says it reluctantly after about a hundred meters of silence. ]
That β¦ [ A frown tugs at her lips. ] If we had fought like that, it wouldn't have been training. [ And that's an important line to draw. Right?
Ugh. Why is this more confusing now? She felt REALLY good about her boundaries when she was gonna just walk away and now he's said all these things that complicate it and β Yeah, they're walking the same way back to Doro's Castle. They are both staying in Doro's Castle. The Castle where Lord Doro lives.
Where Finn and Poe and Keith and Urahara are also staying. She frowns a little deeper. What are they gonna do about rolling back up there at the same time? Things that her 'let's go to this hidden place in the woods so you can murder me without anyone hearing me scream' plan didn't cover. She's absently working through that in her mind now too. ]
[His reply is quiet. He hasn't even bothered to think of what might happen if someone else saw them walking back at the same time. In truth, the others are the furthest thing from his mind. As awful as that entire conversation was he feels -- better about it somehow. Like he has drawn his lines, and Rey was not making attempts to cross them.
He did not have to be concerned about her bringing him to be the sacrificial lamb. And since that was not the case...]
I would like to try something different, on our next attempt.
[ Rey looks up at him, confused and just slightly perplexed because she knows one way to fight with a lightsaber and it's the way where you keep swinging. Yikes. It pretty successfully pulls her back into the moment, though, in that it points out how big of a knowledge gap there really is here. ]
[He glances down, clearly pleased that she is interested in what he has to say. He holds it for a moment -- its a little awkward to be bringing this up, given that WHOLE CONVERSATION THEY JUST HAD but:]
It may come to nothing. But I believe we should make the attempt to fight together, instead of fighting one another. Before it becomes necessary.
[ She spends a full second raising her eyebrows like ah yes. Not fighting each other. What a fascinating suggestion; please tell me more about this great new idea you just had after menacing me with my lightsaber and yours.
But it passes in a fleeting moment because he's already fidgeted his way through his WELL-FOUNDED SHAME for that overreaction. ]
Against who? [ In her mind, she lists the people powerful enough to even stand a ghost of a chance in that sparring match. Urahara, certainly. Loki, though s/he'd never be interested. Or s/he'd make it weird. The list beyond that is either not super-powered enough or β¦ not someone she's excited to invite onto a date with them. First, though, she goes for the obvious, ] The ogres discussed in the dossier are tough, and we'd run the risk of another hunter spotting us with our lightsabers out.
[ On the point of connection, she nods immediate understanding. She'd felt that connection alive during the festival and again here. She's closer to him than to anyone else, more attuned. But then he goes on about not needing a physical enemy for that reason and, well, he loses her.
[ Rey glances up at her staff, then sort of eases it off her shoulder and offers it out to him. As before, she wrestles between unease and optimism.
Handing him another one of her weapons after earlier comes with a sharp twinge of doubt, like her rational brain is trying to slap her on the wrists for messing up so badly earlier. That was almost a real mess.
[He puts down his lightsaber, and stops walking. It takes him a moment to find a grip -- he's not used to this sort of weapon, and she is smaller than he is. This might actually be more effective than using lightsabers.
He closes his eyes as he inhales, then exhales, and he attempts to reach to the light he's learned to recognize as Rey. His grip relaxes just enough to mimic her own.]
Now, lead me.
[He has an idea in his mind that translates between them. He is a flat surface, and the extent of the staff, of Rey herself -- that is the weapon.
This might be ridiculous, and it might not work, but it makes sense to him.]
[ At this point if anyone saw them together, they'd think they were both insane as well as having some weird tryst so at least the crazy part would probably be distracting from the tryst part.
But sure. Given Luke's two lessons, one of which was an emotional (drunken???) rant about vanity with bad logic, she's quite sure that Jedi training is just a series of weird hazing rituals and the first person to call it ridiculous loses. So. Here we go.
She squares the staff in both hands and holds it at the ready for ? ?? invisible enemies? Right, okay, imagining. ~Imagination.~ She presses her eyes shut and thinks of, well, stormtroopers. You say enemy, she thinks stormtroopers. But her concentration is scattered so they're just a menacing circle of stormtroopers doing nothing. Very threatening.
Lead.
Rey pivots on her heels to face 'them' and jabs forward with her staff. It's a move she's used with the saber, too, but with a lightsaber it tends towards a little wild, a little off-balance. With her staff, the weight balances her. ]
[Kylo Ren's concentration finds her's, and there is no resistance when she jabs -- in fact, its like he's not there at all. His feet plant, and he moves with her.
And then, once he feels her balance lean, he takes the lead himself with a great sweeping swing with the staff -- and of Rey herself.
One of three things will happen. She will connect with the Force to kick out at the crest of the swing, he will rip the weapon out of her hands, or she will go flying when the momentum carries her.]
[ Only then can she feel what he's getting at. It's not unlike the quiet moments when the bond breathes and expands and draws them into that in-between place. She can feel her heartbeat pick up in her chest with the effort of hefting her weapon around, and β
Another. His pulse alongside hers. She digs down in it, feeling for him, for his intent. It's not unlike copiloting. He swings, and she picks up where he leaves off seamlessly. Bends her knee, kicks outward, and twists to catch herself as she does.
Her eyes snap open and she stares across the clearing at him. It's just a demonstration. Proof of concept. Butβ It's excitement that keeps her heart pounding and her breath heavy. ]
[His eyes open when her's do, and he's already half way through a nod. The adrenaline bleeds between them, and for a moment he basks in it. Its familiar, and it chases away some of his anger from earlier in the evening. But at least she understands now -- that's all he wanted to communicate.
It takes him a moment to release her staff to allow her to take it back, but he does. His hands hover for a moment before he lets them fall.]
[ When his hands fall, the connection lapses, and she can't feel him as acutely. She feels cold. She takes a step towards him, ready to chase the feeling, but draws herself up short. Rather, she nods β both her understanding and her agreement. ]
We can try that again.
[ Noticing the intensity of her own eagerness, she stamps it down by pulling the staff hastily back onto her shoulder and turning away from him to the makeshift path. Right. Walking back. ]
[Both here, and when they go back to kill Snoke. He follows behind her quietly for the rest of the way, until they reach the castle. The silence is awkward -- but he'd made it that way, so he doesn't try to break it.
They reach the castle, and as he moves with the intention to split off to his own quarters, he turns to Rey.]
--when you are ready, I will be.
[This is easy -- he's always ready to fight, to train, to get better in any way he can. But there had been something in the way she had attempted to dismiss him earlier that thinks that he should let her open this particular door this time.]
[ Silence is just fine for her. It gives her time to think and process, and frankly, even after what happened, his company doesn't stand out as odd or uncomfortable to her. It just β¦ is. They have been alone together enough now that she grown used to his looming presence at the edge of her awareness.
The minute they're back within the castle grounds, she's glancing around everywhere to try and measure how many people might see them. It takes her a step longer to stop after he does, as a result.
And what he says, well, it's just on the verge of Not Getting it. Putting the ball back in her court almost seems like a way of absolving himself of responsibility for figuring out what the hell's going on in his head. Rey turns fully back to him, this time, no half-assing. ]
Think about what I asked. [ What do you want from me? He did say he was trying to trust her, though, and that's something. She's not sure what, but something. But she does want to remind him that she's still not satisfied with all that. Then she nods, sort of to herself, and says, ] I'll be seeing you.
[ Because really there's no telling with this connection they have what that'll look like or if it will be before or after she reaches out. The only thing she's completely sure of is that she will see him. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
This time, he is looking at her. His lightsaber remains abandoned in the grass.]
Before you go.
[His tone doesn't change (though he is quiet), for he seems resigned that he's not going to change her mind on this. He knows he wants to ask something, but phrasing the question is -- hard. It might be impossible. But he's going to try.]
Is this it?
[He has to know. Was everything she had given him conditional on returning him to the Light? This agenda she had -- how much of it was duty, how much of it was naivety, and how much was it genuine?
Maybe if she walks away for good, it will get easier. The conflict will lessen, and he will be able to do the same.]
no subject
For that reason alone, her answer comes out quickly. ]
No. [ Her lips twitch into what's almost a smile, but it's reluctant. Regretful, really, like maybe she knows it would be easier if it were. Or maybe like she just knows that she hopes it's not. To qualify her certainty, she provides, ] My feelings haven't changed.
[ She wants to be close to him. There is good in him. And perhaps clearer now is the picture that she cannot force him to turn. These all hold true. But she's given everything she has β and, true, that's not much. She's not much. So perhaps he'll look at it and decide it's not enough. But she still hopes not. ]
But I won't stay where I'm not wanted.
[ Another sad smile strikes her then. She thinks of her parents. They were the ones to teach her that lesson, and in that way, it was because of Ben that she could do this in the first place instead of staying and pointlessly pouring herself into something fruitless and pathetic. ]
no subject
Now that he has that answer, he is once again unsure what to do. He supposes he should let her go, and allow her to be on her way. But there is still the feeling that he's -- missed something, in trying to communicate his actual problem with what they've been doing.]
You are right. I called you here. Before he confronted me.
[Confronted, because Finn had come with the intention to fight with him, whether or not he wants to admit it. He came to make demands, not to listen or to compromise.
Its a clarification, as much as it is rationalization, mostly for himself. He is certain that he wants her there. He just -- doesn't want everything else that seems to be coming with it.
He swallows. That fear is creeping up in his throat again. It hardens with his voice.]
I don't want to be a tool for anyone's agenda. I won't.
[Another swallow, this time, he releases her.]
Is that what you want from me?
no subject
But what he says sounds a lot like what Keith had said. Out of Ben's mouth, it sounds an awful lot more like an accusation than a search for understanding, or an encouragement to stop enslaving herself to the good of others, but it's a variation on the same theme.
It's a question that has hung over her head for the past two months too. Is this really for the Resistance? Ben is their only hope. If she comes back without Luke, without Ben, then they're doomed. It would be a lie to say her hope for him isn't wrapped up in hope for them.
But she sticks on the word tool.
And then he releases her, and she's able to tuck her lightsaber away as she had intended, further reiterating that she has no intention of turning this into a confrontation. No matter what Finn and Poe are like.
It's β¦ confusing. But saying it to Keith makes it easier to say now, as does her distance from Ahch-to and the perspective her time with ALASTAIR has offered, the perspective of such a long stretch spent spiraling without anyone to help her or understand.
Putting aside her hopes that he might choose to stand with her, that he might be something bigger, and the way she uses those hopes to justify and rationalize an otherwise selfish decision as somehow bigger than that β after all, because it is also right and good does not mean that is her reason for doing it, and compounded on that is the clarity that 'right and good' Finn and Poe have various Issues with this particular approach β this is β¦ ]
No.
[ She doesn't want him to be a tool for anyone. Not for her. Not for Snoke. Not for the Resistance. She didn't come here for them; she came because she couldn't stand to let go of Keith and Urahara. She came because she wanted information about her parents that the island left her without. Maybe that makes Finn and Poe better than her, somehow, but she didn't come to him for that either. ]
no subject
She hasn't left. So he supposes that she's waiting for further explanation. When he is sure that she isn't leaving, he provides it.]
When Finn came to me...he attempted the same process as Commander Dameron. He reached for a truce. Conditional. Insisting that I cease my interactions with you and with Dameron, and instead speak only to him.
[Nonsense, of course. As fragile as Kylo Ren's ego is, that had not been what had triggered this response to Rey. He is not afraid to be feared -- in fact, he prefers it.]
And when I refused his terms, he told me that you thought that I "could do good". And that was why he came to make those demands of me.
[He nods, like he thinks that should be enough of an explanation, given the context he had just offered her. It isn't necessarily the idea that he could do good. He always believed that to be possible, because 'good' was subjective. It was that he had framed it as if she was attempting to manipulate him, and it successfully shattered his trust.
After its out, he glances sideways to call his lightsaber back into his hand lazily, turning it over in a fidget. Now, it is Kylo Ren's turn to feel like a fool. He'd been so ready to accept that Rey was betraying him that he did not stop to consider that Finn didn't really know anything.
But then again, could he be blamed after how many others had let him down? He certainly didn't think so.]
no subject
It's like putting a thousand-piece puzzle together though, so she spends the majority of this time looking perplexed about how this addresses a) whether she is trying to use him like a tool, b) what he wants out of these interactions with her. Neither of those things are addressed, of course, so it takes her a minute to connect it back to, ah, yes, this is what he's so upset about.
And when she figures it out, it stands at such incredible odds with the weight of his response β to almost murder her in the woods β that she can't stop herself from saying; ]
You were ready to attack me because Finn told you that you could do good?
[ Just putting that out there. Flatly. Incredulously.
No. You know what. No. That makes perfect sense. And she starts to pick up on the fact that Ben is shifting his lightsaber around, realizing it's perhaps an overreaction, but for crying out loud. ]
I told him that what you'd done with those women who attacked the festival had potentially averted war. [ She's emphasizing you here to point out that she had not even told Finn that SHE HAD BEEN INVOLVED IN IT. ] And it has. [ She pulls her staff up onto her shoulder decisively, as if more committed to doubling down on the 'figure out what you waaaaaant' exit. ] You really don't trust me at all.
no subject
I did not come here to harm you. I came to train, as I asked.
[He could point out that he did not attack her. He could point out the fact that she'd just given him this huge speech about trusting him, instead of her fear. But in truth, he doesn't feel the need to defend himself on this -- he was wrong.]
Because I believed you might be more interested in a recruitment pitch, than what sort of good I might do. He neglected to explain.
[Because they were both fucking drunk. He doesn't bother to mention that either. It will just sound like an excuse.
So he gets to the crux of it.]
No. I didn't. But I am trying to.
[In the same way that she is trying to trust him. She's just better at it.
He chooses past tense, because he believes that she could have made an attempt to defend herself at any point in time, even when he was armed with two lightsabers, and she did not. If that did not speak of trust, facing down a man a head taller than her with two lightsabers, then what did?
Either way, he feels his duty done. Explanation given, ends tied off, and Rey clearly itching to leave, he turns himself to...walk in the same direction, because that's where the castle is.
And he can't help but feel like the itch he'd come here to scratch had somehow only gotten itchier.]
no subject
He's making An Attempt. Even in light of the technicality that he had not come here to attack her β albeit he'd been quite ready to all the same when he'd grabbed her lightsaber β she's willing to give him personal growth points there.
Which is lucky, given that they're walking back the same direction. ]
We can come back another day.
[ She says it reluctantly after about a hundred meters of silence. ]
That β¦ [ A frown tugs at her lips. ] If we had fought like that, it wouldn't have been training. [ And that's an important line to draw. Right?
Ugh. Why is this more confusing now? She felt REALLY good about her boundaries when she was gonna just walk away and now he's said all these things that complicate it and β Yeah, they're walking the same way back to Doro's Castle. They are both staying in Doro's Castle. The Castle where Lord Doro lives.
Where Finn and Poe and Keith and Urahara are also staying. She frowns a little deeper. What are they gonna do about rolling back up there at the same time? Things that her 'let's go to this hidden place in the woods so you can murder me without anyone hearing me scream' plan didn't cover. She's absently working through that in her mind now too. ]
no subject
[His reply is quiet. He hasn't even bothered to think of what might happen if someone else saw them walking back at the same time. In truth, the others are the furthest thing from his mind. As awful as that entire conversation was he feels -- better about it somehow. Like he has drawn his lines, and Rey was not making attempts to cross them.
He did not have to be concerned about her bringing him to be the sacrificial lamb. And since that was not the case...]
I would like to try something different, on our next attempt.
no subject
[ Rey looks up at him, confused and just slightly perplexed because she knows one way to fight with a lightsaber and it's the way where you keep swinging. Yikes. It pretty successfully pulls her back into the moment, though, in that it points out how big of a knowledge gap there really is here. ]
no subject
It may come to nothing. But I believe we should make the attempt to fight together, instead of fighting one another. Before it becomes necessary.
no subject
But it passes in a fleeting moment because he's already fidgeted his way through his WELL-FOUNDED SHAME for that overreaction. ]
Against who? [ In her mind, she lists the people powerful enough to even stand a ghost of a chance in that sparring match. Urahara, certainly. Loki, though s/he'd never be interested. Or s/he'd make it weird. The list beyond that is either not super-powered enough or β¦ not someone she's excited to invite onto a date with them. First, though, she goes for the obvious, ] The ogres discussed in the dossier are tough, and we'd run the risk of another hunter spotting us with our lightsabers out.
no subject
[Man they really need a name for this thing they're experiencing.]
If the Force connects us to one another across distances, then perhaps it could connect us in other ways. We do not need a physical enemy for that.
no subject
Her entire forehead scrunches. ]
I don't understand.
no subject
It will be better if I show you.
[Like, he said next time, but she wants to understand so -- he jerks his chin up at the staff.]
no subject
Handing him another one of her weapons after earlier comes with a sharp twinge of doubt, like her rational brain is trying to slap her on the wrists for messing up so badly earlier. That was almost a real mess.
Almost. ]
By all means.
no subject
[He puts down his lightsaber, and stops walking. It takes him a moment to find a grip -- he's not used to this sort of weapon, and she is smaller than he is. This might actually be more effective than using lightsabers.
He closes his eyes as he inhales, then exhales, and he attempts to reach to the light he's learned to recognize as Rey. His grip relaxes just enough to mimic her own.]
Now, lead me.
[He has an idea in his mind that translates between them. He is a flat surface, and the extent of the staff, of Rey herself -- that is the weapon.
This might be ridiculous, and it might not work, but it makes sense to him.]
no subject
But sure. Given Luke's two lessons, one of which was an emotional (drunken???) rant about vanity with bad logic, she's quite sure that Jedi training is just a series of weird hazing rituals and the first person to call it ridiculous loses. So. Here we go.
She squares the staff in both hands and holds it at the ready for ? ?? invisible enemies? Right, okay, imagining. ~Imagination.~ She presses her eyes shut and thinks of, well, stormtroopers. You say enemy, she thinks stormtroopers. But her concentration is scattered so they're just a menacing circle of stormtroopers doing nothing. Very threatening.
Lead.
Rey pivots on her heels to face 'them' and jabs forward with her staff. It's a move she's used with the saber, too, but with a lightsaber it tends towards a little wild, a little off-balance. With her staff, the weight balances her. ]
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And then, once he feels her balance lean, he takes the lead himself with a great sweeping swing with the staff -- and of Rey herself.
One of three things will happen. She will connect with the Force to kick out at the crest of the swing, he will rip the weapon out of her hands, or she will go flying when the momentum carries her.]
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Another. His pulse alongside hers. She digs down in it, feeling for him, for his intent. It's not unlike copiloting. He swings, and she picks up where he leaves off seamlessly. Bends her knee, kicks outward, and twists to catch herself as she does.
Her eyes snap open and she stares across the clearing at him. It's just a demonstration. Proof of concept. Butβ It's excitement that keeps her heart pounding and her breath heavy. ]
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It takes him a moment to release her staff to allow her to take it back, but he does. His hands hover for a moment before he lets them fall.]
Like that.
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We can try that again.
[ Noticing the intensity of her own eagerness, she stamps it down by pulling the staff hastily back onto her shoulder and turning away from him to the makeshift path. Right. Walking back. ]
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It will be beneficial.
[Both here, and when they go back to kill Snoke. He follows behind her quietly for the rest of the way, until they reach the castle. The silence is awkward -- but he'd made it that way, so he doesn't try to break it.
They reach the castle, and as he moves with the intention to split off to his own quarters, he turns to Rey.]
--when you are ready, I will be.
[This is easy -- he's always ready to fight, to train, to get better in any way he can. But there had been something in the way she had attempted to dismiss him earlier that thinks that he should let her open this particular door this time.]
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The minute they're back within the castle grounds, she's glancing around everywhere to try and measure how many people might see them. It takes her a step longer to stop after he does, as a result.
And what he says, well, it's just on the verge of Not Getting it. Putting the ball back in her court almost seems like a way of absolving himself of responsibility for figuring out what the hell's going on in his head. Rey turns fully back to him, this time, no half-assing. ]
Think about what I asked. [ What do you want from me? He did say he was trying to trust her, though, and that's something. She's not sure what, but something. But she does want to remind him that she's still not satisfied with all that. Then she nods, sort of to herself, and says, ] I'll be seeing you.
[ Because really there's no telling with this connection they have what that'll look like or if it will be before or after she reaches out. The only thing she's completely sure of is that she will see him. ]