[ the words come out with patient firmness, even as he points the lightsaber in her direction. she didn't come here to fight him — not like this, at least. — and she didn't tell finn anything about this thing between them. she couldn't possibly.
she reaches into her sleeve, slowly, cautiously, and pulls her lightsaber out. something in her screams for her to hold onto it, but that only makes her throw more certain and more forceful. it clatters onto the uneven rocks and dirt and mulch between them.
it's a symbolic gesture only, of course. with the force, she could pull it back into her grip easily. but it's, she hopes, enough to communicate that she really won't give him the fight he so sorely wants, one she would not want to win.
the rest is … more complicated. it seems so obvious. she had never claimed that she would stop trying to turn him, of course, so she can't fully comprehend why he's so hurt by it. why he's so hurt by her speaking to finn. but she can see that he is, and for that reason alone, it's worth delicacy.
of course she wants him to turn. doesn't he want the same? wouldn't it be easier for both of them, to be on the same side, and not opposed? i don't know that ben knows what ben wants. how many times has she come back to that same statement now? she can hardly count.
it helps her now, though, to think that it's not about want — he's just reacting, not unlike a cornered animal. overwhelmed. panicked.
so she doesn't argue the point, that she wants him to turn. it would only feed whatever paranoia this is, give him some reason to lash out. she won't lie to him — even if she tried, she's not sure she could. they haven't lied to each other since this started. if they had, it wouldn't have been worth preserving. ]
All I've tried to do is be close to you. [ she grabs onto that because, well, it's only recently that she had regained any sense of certainty that he wanted that too. that he might reach for it. ] Why push me away now? What are you afraid of?
no subject
[ the words come out with patient firmness, even as he points the lightsaber in her direction. she didn't come here to fight him — not like this, at least. — and she didn't tell finn anything about this thing between them. she couldn't possibly.
she reaches into her sleeve, slowly, cautiously, and pulls her lightsaber out. something in her screams for her to hold onto it, but that only makes her throw more certain and more forceful. it clatters onto the uneven rocks and dirt and mulch between them.
it's a symbolic gesture only, of course. with the force, she could pull it back into her grip easily. but it's, she hopes, enough to communicate that she really won't give him the fight he so sorely wants, one she would not want to win.
the rest is … more complicated. it seems so obvious. she had never claimed that she would stop trying to turn him, of course, so she can't fully comprehend why he's so hurt by it. why he's so hurt by her speaking to finn. but she can see that he is, and for that reason alone, it's worth delicacy.
of course she wants him to turn. doesn't he want the same? wouldn't it be easier for both of them, to be on the same side, and not opposed? i don't know that ben knows what ben wants. how many times has she come back to that same statement now? she can hardly count.
it helps her now, though, to think that it's not about want — he's just reacting, not unlike a cornered animal. overwhelmed. panicked.
so she doesn't argue the point, that she wants him to turn. it would only feed whatever paranoia this is, give him some reason to lash out. she won't lie to him — even if she tried, she's not sure she could. they haven't lied to each other since this started. if they had, it wouldn't have been worth preserving. ]
All I've tried to do is be close to you. [ she grabs onto that because, well, it's only recently that she had regained any sense of certainty that he wanted that too. that he might reach for it. ] Why push me away now? What are you afraid of?